Incandescence's Opinions Return

{Incandescence taptaps the Mic, dialing in to one of the public radio frequencies and taking a deep breath, putting on her boy voice. Time to entertain.}

 

Bang! Good morning Equestria, it is another beauuutiful day. The sun is shining thanks to the all powerful being, that glorious inglorious leader that lords over us and makes sure that we do not stray from our accetpable paths in life. You all know who I mean... Anyway! On with the show!

 

Today's Episode: Luna, The School for gifted Unicorns, The Winter Wrap Up, Canterlot, and The Edge of the Universe.

 

So, let's begin shall we? I'll start with the thing on everypony's mind. Luna. An enigma wrapped in a mystery. Is she real, is she an elaborate hoax perpetuated by princess Celestia to keep her approval ratings up? Are they the same pony? Who knows, who cares. I sure as hay don't. She wasn't even around when I was hatched, she has no bearing on anything going on anywhere. I'm not even sure why I brought it up. People just want Luna segments but I got nothin'. On to the next subject!

 

The School, for Gifted, Unicorns. Why not a school for Pegasus, or Earth Ponies? Why is it that the only school sponsored by our dear pretty winged God-Princess? Does she think the unicorns are the only ones worthy of her attention? Are the others just kept low key? Surely there are remarkable ponies of other types that show exceptional traits worthy of such a remarkable education. Beyond that, the entrance examination. Why dragons? One wrong move and BAM! street omelet. I don't quite think that our dear lady of grace has quite thought this through? Obviously dragons can hatch on their own. There are plenty out there! Why subject them to this? Hatching them into a life of servitude to a selected pony? I for one think it's pretty screwed up, but that's just me.

 

Moving on! I wanna know exactly what the point of Ponyville's time honored tradition of 'Wrapping Up Winter Manually' is all about. It seems pretty darn dull to me. Dull and not very smart. You've never wrapped up winter on time. Ever? That seems like a clear sign that it's kind of time to change some things, don'tcha think? It's inefficiency if I ever saw it and I can't abide stupidity on that scale. Orginization is key, and so is progress! If you have unicorns, use them! Sometimes its like I'm the only sane guy in all of equestria!

 

Next topic! Canterlot. Highest concentration of unicorns in the country! All of em snooty, all of 'em useless! Some of them less so. Have themselves a sweet gig goin' on up here. Old Money lives here, New Money moves in! The wealth is centralized here and it's a spread of decadence as far as the eye can see! Fifty Percent of the wealth in Equestria is in this ONE city, and ten percent of that goes to the castle, and a similar amount goes to the school! You're wondering why your roads need new stones and why your schoolhouse bells don't ring? It's this, ponies. This! Speaking of decadence and nonsense, when I was in canterlot today I saw, and I kid you not, The Edge of the Universe.

 

I saw a Coffee House, across from another Coffee House. Do ponies really need this? I think not, but apparently those across the square thought otherwise, because there were two more! Four coffee houses! One on each corner, and I kid you not ladies and gentlemen, in this square. Time, stands still! That, ladies and gentlemen, is the edge of the universe, and it's right next to us. It's the cosmic sinkhole that all the sense in equestria keeps vanishing into.

 

Catch you next time, ponies!