Incandescence's Opinions: The Revenge (Because it belongs in every series.)

{The standard station is overrun with static for a moment, followed by a distinctive click and then a silence. It's that time again. The voice on the other end has more to say, an unfamiliar but by now familiar voice for those who have their easy listening interrupted.}

 

Hello Equestria. How are you? How have you been? Did you miss me? I missed you. I've been thinking about what to say to you all, there's really so much to comment on. I'm not entirely sure where to start, but still, wow, it's been wiiiild ride since my last broadcast hasn't it? It's like nothing has threatened our nation in over a month! To most, at least.

 

Today's Episode: Nightmare Night, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Dragons as pets and whatever the hay else I feel like rambling about.

 

Let's start off with something I've never been particularly fond of. Nightmare Night. A night I stay home and do... nothing. Personally I can't stand it. A waste of fabric, a waste of time, a waste of food. Wild stories about an unspeakable evil coming to eat us! Well, not us. You, I'm not a pony, but we've already established that. Some would argue that, hey, it's a holiday! It establishes a sense of community! A fellowship! But really, does it? Do you even know who half of the ponies you meet are? It's just an excuse for you all to run around like goofs, as if ponies really need an excuse to do that, right?

 

On the subject of Nightmare Night, let's talk about Nightmare Moon! Spooky, scary! Evil! Oh wait, no she's not. I honestly personally think all the stories about her are terribly exagerrated. She seems perfectly lovely to me, if not a bit manic depressive. Yes, she's real, for those of you who have been living under a rock for the past year. But she's not scary, she's not even spooky. She's not even unpleasant to look at! What's wrong with you ponies, and for that matter, how did she ever think she was going to rule the world, this being the case? It's absolutely ridiculous. Ridiculous by far, but not as ridiculous as our next topic.

 

Princess Luna! yes, you know her, the estranged sister of our glorious magnanimous Solar God-Princess. You will recall last time I questioned her existence and had nothing much to say about her, well, she's real, I've seen her, and she's nuts. She has an odd predisposition for very specific pastries, is loud as a schoolbell, and has a habit of weaponizing cookware and the forces of nature. Her odd, off the wall behaviors are rivaled only by her odd flip-flopping between ridiculously overly public socialite and asocial workaholic with a penchant for moon colonization projects and whatever ridiculous sweet Pinkie Pie has recently invented. Personally I think she's got her sister tied up in a closet somewhere or something, Celestia hasn't made a public appearance in ages. I smell foul play!

 

On to the next topic, there is a surprising propensity for ponies out there to consider baby dragons to be pets or servants, trained animals. No. Now, I don't know who raised them, or who taught them this but shame on them. Dragons are smart, and probably as keen with senses as griffins, they have a full gamut of emotions, and as far as I can tell, they work hard. They're dangerous, yes, but we've already established that prior, in topics about WHY dragons are 'employed' in Equestria the way they are. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if one day some stupid pony shot their mouth off and got this country burned to the ground, though with how well ponies work together, it would be rebuilt within a month, so no big loss there.

 

I'm running short on time, so I won't continue further, here's my closing statement. Stay safe, stay sane, and don't mess with dragons for you are flammable and they are good at burning things. Opinionated one is out!