My thoughts and memoires #1

In case anyone reads this, this is the first note of what I hope will be my whole life on paper. About me and my past. 
 
Let me introduce myself first, my name is Eris Discordia. I don't know if this is a name I got later in my life or if my parents already knew what will happen. Either way, Eris is not only my name but was the name of a goddess unknown to Equestria. She represented the element of discord. Now, my name seems to be redundant. Mind, I didn't choose it. I don't know where I have been born. Nor do I know my parents. The earliest memories I have are blurred. I remember vaguely what I did but that is already enough for me to not continue further my search for them.
 
But enough about things I don't know, after all if you have this you read it because you want to know something about me. My first clear memory is a forest. Yes, a forest, and a colt I didn't know at that moment. I woke up on his back by the way. He later told me his name, Axl. I don't know how, or more importantly why I arrived here, but that is less important than what follows. Axl and I had a small struggle communicating. I felt confused, I had no memories, I only knew my first name. Axl didn't know me either so I guessed I wasn't from this place. He guided me towards what was a town. With ponies of every personality you could imagine. It all felt really strange, they were all kind to me and they didn't even know me. I couldn't accept their help, I refused everything. So I slept my first two days outside in the forest. On the third day however I met a colt, named Sunset_Skye. Things in me changed. Everytime I saw him, my stomach almost melted by a feeling I cannot describe in words. Later I discovered I was in love with him. We talked a bit, and somehow I let it slip that I had no home. He proposed that I can stay at his. I accepted... somehow I managed to say something. 
 
So a new slate of my life seemed to begin, I had no work but a friend now. He was really nice to me. I loved him and I asked myself if he feels the same for me. At first I made myself an illusion that he invited me to his place because he found me interesting, and not out pity. I hoped that he loved me and I imagined the craziest scenarios involving us. I was happily in love back then. It went on 2 days like this. Not much happened, but then a new pony arrived to his home. Her name was Sand_Chaser. She was only a filly. But Sunset said she was like Family to him. Was I Family to him? I thought for hours, going again trough scenarios that will never happen. Scenarios that scared me. Scenarios that angered me. I decided to take a trot trough town to clear my head. That was my worst Idea ever. Everything went down hill from there. 
 
So I took a trot trough town, and met a colt named Skar. He was rather special, in a sense that he managed to somehow lift my spirits. A bit too high as I realize later on. We went to a calm place in a forest. It was beautiful, even if I forgot where it was later on. We talked, danced, and... kissed. I don't know what got me, but I betrayed my feelings towards Sunset, so before I did something that I would have regretted all my life, I stopped. I told him that this was a mistake, that this wasn't planned. It shouldn't have happened. I was completely destroyed, I couldn't go home. I was scared that Sunset would have heard of it. That he will hate me once he knew that I got carried of so quickly. I almost cried, I don't know why I didn't. Later on, Sunset came home and instantly felt that something had happened, I guess I was really bad at hiding things. I told him hesitantly everything, I was getting ready to be yelled at, that he would just turn away and throw me out. I even hoped it, that would have meant that he would care for me at least a bit. But something completely unexpected happened. He forgave me.  Just like that. He explained the meaning of his Cutie Mark, it represented the Sacrifice he was willing to make for people dear to him. I was happy, and sad at the same time. He just forgave me. I didn't pay for anything. I couldn't believe it. I wondered if he tested me, if he tried to find out my reaction. I deluded myself, it was only later I knew that he loved me. But there was one  hiccup, Sand_Chaser. She literally worships Skar, and when she heard that he and I... She wasn't happy, and ran away. Sunset tried to convince her to come back...
 
 
To be continued...